However

Despite all the angst and self-pity in my last post, the reason I'm 'back' at all today is that I've been feeling more like my old self over the last couple of weeks (which doesn't entirely make sense, given that finals are next week!) - I've had something of a libido and asked M for a spanking, and have been thinking about another one, today. I've been thinking about that deep, subby headspace again, where my whole focus is on serving him, making his life easy and pleasant. Thoughts of being denied my own pleasure, having privileges taken away, once again arouse me. Case in point, I texted M 45 minutes ago asking if I could masturbate tonight (and that's telling in itself, as it isn't actually a rule at the moment), and I've yet to hear back; so now I'm considering whether to do it or not, and if I do, whether I 'ought' to stop short of any orgasms. Thoughts of being in trouble aren't sexy (so it's good that I wouldn't be, not for this!), but thoughts of him deciding I've been taking too many liberties and putting me on restriction again - that's getting me going.

Excuse me.